herself

you locked yourself away in a room made of mirror
and you forgot you are claustrophobic, perfect
images of you making an infinite of you
you’ll always be the realest
crown on your head, you are no one’s queen
you sing yourself to sleep everynight
you are your own king
showers of pleasure make you dance
vapor drops roll down your back
you sexualise as you close your eyes
fantasies of living overseas with two dogs and yourself
making money sitting in an audi r8
riding solo, ask you how you doing? great
no opinion matter greater than yours
how come you look so good but never flatter yourself
you don’t ask for help
when you don’t know your roads you’ll find them
rather, you’ll make your own
buy yourself gifts cause you don’t give a fuck
tuck yourself in your own throne, you never gave a fuck
you don’t need a man to understand you
you are the only one who can stand you and that’s okay
you’ll always be okay
and in the end when all this is over
you’ll want to die alone, on your own terms
and you’ll die in your own arms
WhatsApp Image 2017-08-22 at 1.46.44 AM.jpeg
artwork by manasi hegde

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it’s a relationship of two     and you know i’m gonna wait on you     doesn’t mean you keep me waiting     i’ll be patient till twenty     that’s when you said we maybe start dating     you don’t know how to name love     you don’t realize that it’s me     crying on your shoulder kissing your neck     if that ain’t love then what it mean     at times we might not end up on the same page     but we part of the same book     at times i hit you with my rage     you knock me down with a left hook

every morning i wake up in winter
and the world is a north pole
it was never a better place even if you lived or died
vapour leaves the harshness of my lips
smoke warms my aching lungs and my heart beats for a second
icicles of tears frozen on this face
all this space i wanted but i got nowhere to go
nothing to see on this empty road
i don’t need clothes i’m used to the cold till my bone
i see no difference between immortal men and mortal men
i see no difference between not believing and saying amen
it’s all the same over here
it means nothing over here
this is no man’s land and yet so many people stumble over here

the blood you bled gave colour to my roses
the wind you breathed brought the waves of salt to my beaches
the tears you wept poured down on my earth of ashes and dirt
the dilation of your pupils brought an eclipse to my world

people hurt without knowing it

the dilation of your pupils brought darkness to my world
the tears you wept poured down on my earth and flooded it
the wind you breathed brought tsunamis that eroded my sand
the blood you bled dried and killed my roses

 

i told my mother i have suicidal thoughts
she asked me whether i would like therapy
i told her Ma, i don’t need therapy
i just need you to talk to me

i told my mother i have suicidal thoughts
she said she cares
if you cared how come you never noticed the cuts
on my wrists, on my heart, in my brain
emotionally scarred

dying/hope

why do you hang yourself from this rope
dont you see there is still hope

why do you cut yourself with the knife
why would you let a thing take away your life

why do you see yourself in the dark
you just need something to get back that spark

stop convincing yourself that there is nothing left
you are just too blind to see what is next

stop shooting bullets into your chest
thinking of them as pills to put you to rest

if you keep looking in the same broken mirror
how do you expect to see things any clearer