the blood you bled gave colour to my roses
the wind you breathed brought the waves of salt to my beaches
the tears you wept poured down on my earth of ashes and dirt
the dilation of your pupils brought an eclipse to my world
people hurt without knowing it
the dilation of your pupils brought darkness to my world
the tears you wept poured down on my earth and flooded it
the wind you breathed brought tsunamis that eroded my sand
the blood you bled dried and killed my roses
Here I am, sitting by your grave. Flowers in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other.
Hey Dad, what’s up? It’s been one year since you passed away. I know Mom came to give you a visit earlier during the day, she invited me to come as well but I refused her invitation. I didn’t want her to see my tears, neither did I want to see her cry.
Mom hasn’t been well ever since you left, she has been in a state of depression and has been drowning her pain in alcohol. The alcohol doesn’t help either. There hasn’t been a day where we haven’t fought throughout this one year, and I do not know how much longer this will last.
I’m carrying the weight on my shoulders and it hasn’t been easy. I’m the man of the house. It is hard to run this company of yours, being a millionaire must have been hard. I know, since I am one, carrying your legacy. I hated you father and I still do. Throughout these nineteen years of my life, you were never there for me. I’m sure every son has had this cliché father son relationship. But, does that not give me the right to complain?
As a father you had a responsibility upon you, but you never fulfilled it. I never came to completely know you as a father or as a person. All I know is you were a man of pride and honour or so I have heard from your colleagues.
I know that you were occupied with your work but that is not an excuse for not giving your family any time. And I hate it, the thought that I’ll never come to know who you really were, I hate it almost to a point where it makes me cry and hate you more. And it gets worse when I look at our photographs and how you never smiled in any of them. You were always so serious and cold, never letting anyone know how you felt. The only relationship we had besides being a father and a son was a materialistic one. I agree, you gave me everything I have ever wanted. But you never gave me your time or love, which I am still longing for. And I kept asking for more stuff, it was the only way you did ever spend a little time on me.
I know that I haven’t been the perfect son that you wanted, but neither were you a perfect father. You made mistakes, horrible ones and yet, you never even tried to make up for your mistakes. Eventually I toughened up, not because I wanted to but because I had to. I only appeared tough on the outside though, inside my soul was moaning in pain. I didn’t shed a single tear the day you passed away, neither did I utter a single word.
The person I loved and hated at the same time, who I barely knew, who was my father, passed away. I wish you were here with me right now, I wish you did hug me, give me a pat on my back and share a beer with me. I wish you were there to see me grow up, to look at all my achievements. I wish I could have spent more time with you and gotten to know you more.
Cheers Dad, I’m leaving the flowers and alcohol by your grave, don’t get too drunk cause I certainly am. Goodbye. Maybe we’ll meet at some point in the distant future.
Later on the news:
“Drunk teenage millionaire dies in a car crash on the anniversary of the death of his father.”
Featured image taken from ‘Superman – Earth One’.